The battle for my life had begun and the choice was clear. Either fight or flight. I said before, I knew the people around me loved me, but mustering the courage to love myself again was the biggest challenge. Loving me enough to fight for life and not give up was a test I felt I was not yet prepared. My child had died and for so many reasons I felt it was my fault. My heart felt that loosing my daughter was the price I had to pay for past sins. Living and breathing in a deafening pit of despair was my eternal punishment. For a while, the choice I made was flight. I tried to run away from this reality with work, or sleeping the days away, and mostly with food. FOOD was my major form of escape. After all, I could control my intake of food, but what was happening around me was so far from my control. With this choice, I wanted to accept my punishment and pay gravely for my sins (not realizing the price was already paid). At this point in my journey, I could not get a true grip on life, as I once knew it and this sent me into a place where I called “the land of nothingness”. I will explain this land of nothingness a little later. However, isn’t it funny how the ultimate promise for our lives can negate us when disaster is all around? We sometimes feel so alone when disasters or devastation hits, not realizing through the pain and through the disasters, GOD is still with us…#helpinghealhearts…until next time my friends..
Author Valerie Lynn
Free thinking writer, advocate for women, and person of passion, Seeking to heal hearts.